Traveling Troubles

For this mommy travelling with her two young children in a vehicle over any sort of distance ranks right up there with teeth extractions and pap smears.  It is both unwelcomed and uncomfortable!  Short of having strapped the kids to the roof, I have done everything within my power to make a long drive as pain-free as possible for all parties involved.  

Both iPads are fully charged and strategically placed within the vehicle to ensure easy access at all times.  Snacks and drinks are prepared and packed, as are coloring books and crayons, books for reading, playing cards and action figures.  Neck pillows, blankets and stuffies await each child on their seat should they desire comfort and warmth.  Child-friendly music is piped through the rear speakers and, on more than one occasion, this mommy has extended an arm out behind her to hold the hand of a child in the backseat who would not have stopped crying otherwise.  I have done it all and still it is never enough!  And it is never very long into any of our journeys before the murmurings from the backseat begin to make their way up to the front.

“Are we still in Canada?  Do we have to go on the highway?  I don’t like to go on the highway?  How long until we get there?  How many cut-offs until we get there?  I’m hungry.  I’m thirsty.   I don’t like what you packed for a snack.  I have to pee.  No, make that poop – I have to poop.  I’m bored.  Why can’t I get YouTube in the truck?  I’m hot.  I’m cold.  I don’t want to go to sleep.  She undid my seatbelt!  He pinched me!  Are we still in Canada?”

So this mommy has taken to singing!  When it all just gets to be too much – when I’m ready to open the door and throw myself into traffic – I sing.  My husband - a self-proclaimed horrendous singer who swore he would never sing to, or in front of, his kids – accompanies.  Usually I let loose with a series of operatic ‘AHHHHHHHHHs’, which is my way of summoning a higher power to help keep me from losing my mind.  Other times I belt out my best version of The Wheels on the Bus.  That “baby music” drives the kids b-a-n-a-n-a-s.  On occasion the kids and I would agree on a song to sing together; a song that made the miles pass by more quickly and more pleasantly.

My family was recently on our way home from cottage-country.  On a good day that trek took a minimum of four hours.  As anticipated we were not far into the drive when the murmurings from the backseat began to make their way up to the front.  It was time to sing!  Within no time the kids and I had decided on Down by the Bay.  We all agreed it was a catchy little tune, had a good beat and was easy to dance to.  Not only was Raffi’s song a good-kid-memory for me, it had an educational component; aiding my four-year-old son to learn rhyming sounds and words.  Moving in a clockwise direction around the vehicle, it was my turn to rhyme the first verse. 

“Down by the bay where the watermelons grow,” … and as the kids’ voices faded into the background I finished with my favorite “have you ever seen a bear combing his hair?”

Next up was my daughter.  In between giggles she finished her verse with “have you ever seen a goose kissing a moose?”  No surprise there.  Everything with her as-of-late revolved around kissing.

And then it was my son’s turn.  Born full of pee and vinegar, I knew that he would throw down a rhyme as unique as himself.  “Have you ever seen nuts on butts?” he belted out at the top of his lungs.  “Down by the bay.”

I don’t know if it was the heat.  Perhaps it was having lived and breathed my children for the past 24-7.  Or maybe I just needed to get out more!  Whatever it was, it made me laugh.  And the more I laughed so did everyone else.  Nuts on butts – I thought that was hysterical!

When everyone but me had stopped laughing my son asked, “What?  Nuts to butts.  It rhymes, doesn’t it?”

I was quick to answer, wanting to assure him that I was not laughing at him.  “Yes my son, it rhymes.”

Well, what more can this mommy say except that she will neither confirm nor deny that she has ever seen, heard, or felt nuts on her butt!  But as I always say, truth is funnier than fiction so you can never be too sure … Down by the Bay!