ACCEPTANCE

Late one afternoon in the summer of 2013 my husband and I sat anxiously awaiting the results of a series of psychological tests that our six-year-old daughter, Bronwyn, had taken during the previous weeks.  Until that point in time our experience with the medical community had been less than ideal.  No one, thus far, had been able to provide us with a satisfactory explanation for our daughter’s cognitive, developmental, and social delays.  We simply wanted an answer; a definitive reason ‘why’?  Neither one of us, however, was prepared for when the psychologist said simply, “Bronwyn has Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).”

All I remember about the rest of that meeting is that I held my husband’s hand a little too tightly and tried a little too fiercely not to blink, lest the tears spill over.  During the drive home I struggled to accept that a professional had just formally diagnosed my child as having special needs.  In so little time so much had changed – Bronwyn had ASD.  And yet nothing had changed – Bronwyn would only ever know what she and all children are deserving of – acceptance.

It has always been my belief that ‘knowledge is power’ and so I took to the internet in search of help. I was determined to learn all that I could about ASD to ensure that my child be given every opportunity to live her best possible life.  I was fortunate enough to find a group of phenomenal women – all of whom were mothers of children with ASD.  Although I was scared and apprehensive I willed myself to attend one of their weekly meetings.  And the truth of the matter is that I cried throughout that entire first meeting.  Yes, I felt sad and yes, I felt extremely overwhelmed.  I realized, however, that I was not alone.  In each and every one of those extraordinary women I found encouragement and support, compassion and understanding.  I felt reassured knowing that I would never again have to walk the journey alone.  That group of women showed Bronwyn and I what I had promised myself she would only ever know in this lifetime – acceptance.  Acceptance for the amazing girl that she was.

What I learned about ASD is that it effects all whom it touches differently.  That is why persons with ASD are referred to as being ‘on the ‘spectrum’.  Each persons’ symptoms and severity, thereof, differ.  Sometimes the difference is mild, other times vast.  Although persons with ASD are regarded as ‘different’ from what is defined as neurotypical, they are not less and should only ever know acceptance.

Bronwyn understands that ASD causes her brain and body to sometimes think and act differently than other people’s brains and bodies.  As she matures she may come to understand that, in more technical terms, ASD impairs her neurological development, her social interactions, and her verbal and non-verbal communication.  That time is not now.  Now is the time for Bronwyn to know, as should all children, acceptance for who she is. 

My daughter is absolutely beautiful in the way that matters most - on the inside.  Her smile is infectious and she is kind and compassionate.  Although Bronwyn has all of these remarkable qualities, ASD interferes in her social interactions with others.  Interpreting social cues and non-verbal communication are daily challenges for her, and expressing her thoughts clearly and understandably can be difficult.  As her mother I have cried many tears on Bronwyn’s behalf.  I have stood at a distance and watched proudly as she has tried so hard to put into practice the many skills that she has been taught at her therapy groups.  I have watched her attempt to make friends, to engage peers in conversation and to sustain play with them.  And I have also watched heartbrokenly as those same peers have ignored her, run away from her, and laughed at her.  In spite of how those children have treated her, though, Bronwyn’s beautiful spirit soars.  Even more incredible is that she harbors no ill-will towards those children.  Bronwyn has only ever shown them what they, like her, are deserving of – acceptance.

This past winter my daughter played Novice Girls hockey.  Her position was right-wing and throughout the season that never changed.  The coaching staff understood that in order for Bronwyn to thrive within that environment familiarity, consistency and routine were essential for her.  Before each practice and game my family would ask Bronwyn what it was she was supposed to do once she got on the ice.  By the season’s end she had learned that she needed to ‘skate hard’ and ‘chase the puck’; two simple concepts.  During her time as a Wilmot Wolverine Bronwyn’s teammates showed her patience, kindness and respect.  They only ever showed Bronwyn what she and all children are deserving of – acceptance. 

The concept of “acceptance” (not to be confused with “approval”) has been at the forefront of most of my life.  In my late teens I made a decision that my family would not accept.  Having been on the other side of scathing rejection myself, I vowed that should I ever become a mother there were very few choices my child could make that I would not accept.  I naively believed that the question of “acceptance” would arise when my children were older.  I had thought that it would concern issues such as who they would love, what political party they would support or what religious faith they would join.  

I never imagined that the question of “acceptance” would present itself to me in the form of a beautiful little girl with special needs.

Not once have I questioned whether to accept my daughter for who she is.  As mothers I do not even believe that that is a choice that we are even given.  You just do.  I desperately wanted a child and I loved Bronwyn from the moment I realized that she was growing inside of me.  The fact that she was born with Autism Spectrum Disorder did not change that.  I am her mother.  She is my child.  And until the day that I draw my final breath, I will strive to ensure that in Bronwyn’s lifetime she only ever know what it is that she and all children are deserving of – acceptance!