Where's Your Golfer?

It seems I am always leaving things lying around where they do not belong - the kids' iPads, the kitchen scissors, my bra.  I can appreciate that at times this has caused my family great frustration.  You would think, however, that if it were mom's personal items left lying around mom's personal space, no harm or laughter would come of it.  Wrong!

It was just another day.  I was puttering around the upstairs doing the usual things - picking up clothes, folding clothes, putting away clothes.  From the corner of my eye I spied my young son walk into my bedroom and then proceed into the ensuite.  That was nothing new.  For whatever reason, peeing in my bathroom was far more exciting than using the one that he shared with his sister.

"What's this?"

I entered my room and found my son holding the instructions on how to insert one Playtex-GentleGlide-SPORT for Active Lifestyles tampon.  I knew the instructions had fallen to the floor the last time I'd reached into the box and, honestly, I hadn't cared.  Instead of picking them up and throwing them in the garbage, I had chosen to walk over them - repeatedly.

"Oh Brennen," I said, waving a hand dismissively in the air, "it's just something for mommy."

Right away the look on his face told me that that answer was not going to suffice.

"But what is it?" he persisted.

Okay, I needed an answer that was evasive enough to avoid the whole tampon-vagina conversation, yet believable enough to satisfy a four-year-old’s curiosity.

"Instructions, Brennen.  Those are instructions for how to put something together."

My son walked over beside me and put the paper on the bed.

Upon closer examination he turned, and eyeing me suspiciously challenged, "Where's your golfer?" 

Daycare Blunder

Every mommy has her vice.  Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that we're all sitting at home drinking ourselves silly or smoking the crack-pipe.  What I am saying, though, is that every mommy has her outlet - that "thing" that helps her get through the day and continue to believe that motherhood is a rewarding and fulfilling vocation.  My bestie Jane­-Anne hides in her kitchen pantry and eats Oreo cookies one row at a time.  My other bestie, Billie-Jo, never passes a Starbucks without picking up her non-fat, no-whip, cinnamon dolce latté.  And me?  I smoked. 

Oh how I loved my du MAURIER Ultra Lights!  We were friends - always there for each other; never judging each other.  In all honesty I was a bit of a fair-weather friend.  I was strictly a Monday-Friday smoker, and only while at work.  Had my husband Jason have known I was smoking, there would have been talk of divorce.  Had my children have seen me smoking, I would have died a thousand shameful deaths.

So a week came-and-went and finally it was Friday.  The kids and I were home in just enough time before Jason for me to take the remaining Ultra-Lights from my purse and hide them in another bag in the hall closet.  I wasn't overly excited about the prospect of smoking two-day-old cigarettes come Monday morning, but critters they were expensive and I couldn't just throw them out!

The weekend passed by in a flash and suddenly it was Monday morning again.  As usual I was rushing to get the kids to daycare and school on time, and myself to work.  I ran to the hall closet and pulled down the bag I thought I had thrown my cigarettes in, only to find them not there.  I pulled down the next bag and the next, and again, not there!  My level of frustration ratcheted up a notch.  Yet again something was not where it was supposed to be!  I didn't have time to keep searching, though, so I hurried the kids out the door and I struck off sans-cigarettes.

The day flew by and I was grateful for the co-worker who tossed a couple of cigarettes my way during breaks.  As soon as 4:45pm struck I shut down my computer, grabbed my bag and headed to B&B Daycare to pick up my son.

I hurried down the hall to Brennen’s cubby, anxious to grab his backpack and see his smiling face.  He must have seen me pass by his room, as suddenly he was standing in the doorway trying to escape his teacher, Miss Susie.  I scooped him up just as fast as I could, breathing in his sweet smell and squeezing him for as long as he'd allow.

We were just heading out when Susie stepped into the hall and closed the classroom door behind her.  "Before you go Mrs. B there's something I'd like to discuss with you."

What did young-and-childless Miss Susie want to talk about today?  Had Brennen been 'handsy' again?  Or maybe she was still concerned that his 'rough play' was going to further alienate his peers?  Whatever it was, I didn't have much time - my daughter was still waiting for me at after-school-care.

"Yes Susie - what is it?"

"Normally I don't go into the children’s backpacks, but I couldn't find Brennen's communication duo so I checked in his bag."

Okay, I would probably have done the same.  Now if she would just get to the point.

"You can imagine my concern when I found these - a package of cigarettes."  And from behind Miss Susie’s back appeared a plastic baggie, complete with my Monday-Friday du MAURIER Ultra Lights and lighter.

Was it my imagination or had Susie suddenly grown an inch-or-two taller, now looking down her nose at me?

'A pack-edge of cig-are-ettes' she'd said, painfully enunciating every syllable.

"Thank you." I swallowed down the lump in my throat and took the incriminating evidence from her outstretched arm.  I made a point of not breaking eye contact – a small victory for me given the circumstance. 

'Every mommy has her vice' I kept repeating in my head.  Unfortunately I had thrown mine in my three-year-old's school bag in an attempt to hide it.  Ugh!  But I would not be made to feel 'unfit' by a girl whose mother I'm sure I could have been.

"I'm just thankful it was me who found them and not one of the other children.  Dreadful to think what might have happened."  And just like that Miss Susie was gone, her parting shot well-aimed.

I took Brennen's little hand in mine and again headed towards the EXIT.  Overcome with guilt I squeezed his hand tighter and whispered, "I'm not perfect, but I love you."

Rounding the corner to my daughter Bronwyn’s classroom, two things became very clear to me:  1. I was not getting Mother-of-the-Year today, and 2. I was never breathing a word of this to Jason.  Just then Bronwyn came barreling towards me, arms wide-open. "I love you," I whispered in her ear.  "Now let's go see what goodies are in your cubby."

We gathered our things together and were just heading out when Bronwyn’s teacher, Miss Molly, stepped into the hall and closed the classroom door behind her.  "Before you go Mrs. B there's something I'd like to discuss with you."

I stilled, envisioning the bottle of wine that I currently could not locate appearing from behind Miss Molly’s back.  The smile that I'd temporarily lost spread slowly back across my face.

Onward-and-upward, mommy.  Onward-and-upward!

Introducing Mommee-Truths!

More than 10 years ago - when I was single, childless, and could type for more than 5 minutes without having to take a break (that's a whole other blog) - someone suggested that I should be blogging.  I guess they felt that the details of my life were blog-worthy.  For whatever reason I never followed through.  Life gets in the way and more than anything I think I was overwhelmed.  I had no idea what blogging was, how to set up a blog, or more importantly, why anyone would want to read about my life!

Well fast-forward to the present.  I'm turning 40 this year, married, have two children (one with special-needs), and I can't type for more than 5 minutes without having to take a break (again, that's a whole other blog).

Over the years I continued to hear from different persons that I should be writing.  So many who have read my writing, or listened to the details of my life have said that it's a story that should be told.  I cannot tell a lie - I am overwhelmed.  You've no idea how long it took me to figure out how to post this blog and I'm still not convinced I've done it properly.  But as they say, 'time is of the essence' and the time is now to share my life lessons and experiences.

I describe myself as a 'Bridget Jones Diary' kind of writer; I write about 'moments', 'instances', 'occurrences', and then I move on to the next.  I write about my family who I think are absolutely hilarious.  They provide me with all of the material for my writing.  Believe me, I couldn't make the stuff up that happens in our daily lives!  And I'm not saying it's always good.  There are a lot of "unfortunate" moments and instances and occurrences.  But they're truths and they're real!

So welcome to Mommee-Truths, where my goal is to share my 'truths' as a mother/wife/woman - good and bad - hopefully making you laugh or at least shake your head in disbelief.

God bless!