Daycare Blunder

Every mommy has her vice.  Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that we're all sitting at home drinking ourselves silly or smoking the crack-pipe.  What I am saying, though, is that every mommy has her outlet - that "thing" that helps her get through the day and continue to believe that motherhood is a rewarding and fulfilling vocation.  My bestie Jane­-Anne hides in her kitchen pantry and eats Oreo cookies one row at a time.  My other bestie, Billie-Jo, never passes a Starbucks without picking up her non-fat, no-whip, cinnamon dolce latté.  And me?  I smoked. 

Oh how I loved my du MAURIER Ultra Lights!  We were friends - always there for each other; never judging each other.  In all honesty I was a bit of a fair-weather friend.  I was strictly a Monday-Friday smoker, and only while at work.  Had my husband Jason have known I was smoking, there would have been talk of divorce.  Had my children have seen me smoking, I would have died a thousand shameful deaths.

So a week came-and-went and finally it was Friday.  The kids and I were home in just enough time before Jason for me to take the remaining Ultra-Lights from my purse and hide them in another bag in the hall closet.  I wasn't overly excited about the prospect of smoking two-day-old cigarettes come Monday morning, but critters they were expensive and I couldn't just throw them out!

The weekend passed by in a flash and suddenly it was Monday morning again.  As usual I was rushing to get the kids to daycare and school on time, and myself to work.  I ran to the hall closet and pulled down the bag I thought I had thrown my cigarettes in, only to find them not there.  I pulled down the next bag and the next, and again, not there!  My level of frustration ratcheted up a notch.  Yet again something was not where it was supposed to be!  I didn't have time to keep searching, though, so I hurried the kids out the door and I struck off sans-cigarettes.

The day flew by and I was grateful for the co-worker who tossed a couple of cigarettes my way during breaks.  As soon as 4:45pm struck I shut down my computer, grabbed my bag and headed to B&B Daycare to pick up my son.

I hurried down the hall to Brennen’s cubby, anxious to grab his backpack and see his smiling face.  He must have seen me pass by his room, as suddenly he was standing in the doorway trying to escape his teacher, Miss Susie.  I scooped him up just as fast as I could, breathing in his sweet smell and squeezing him for as long as he'd allow.

We were just heading out when Susie stepped into the hall and closed the classroom door behind her.  "Before you go Mrs. B there's something I'd like to discuss with you."

What did young-and-childless Miss Susie want to talk about today?  Had Brennen been 'handsy' again?  Or maybe she was still concerned that his 'rough play' was going to further alienate his peers?  Whatever it was, I didn't have much time - my daughter was still waiting for me at after-school-care.

"Yes Susie - what is it?"

"Normally I don't go into the children’s backpacks, but I couldn't find Brennen's communication duo so I checked in his bag."

Okay, I would probably have done the same.  Now if she would just get to the point.

"You can imagine my concern when I found these - a package of cigarettes."  And from behind Miss Susie’s back appeared a plastic baggie, complete with my Monday-Friday du MAURIER Ultra Lights and lighter.

Was it my imagination or had Susie suddenly grown an inch-or-two taller, now looking down her nose at me?

'A pack-edge of cig-are-ettes' she'd said, painfully enunciating every syllable.

"Thank you." I swallowed down the lump in my throat and took the incriminating evidence from her outstretched arm.  I made a point of not breaking eye contact – a small victory for me given the circumstance. 

'Every mommy has her vice' I kept repeating in my head.  Unfortunately I had thrown mine in my three-year-old's school bag in an attempt to hide it.  Ugh!  But I would not be made to feel 'unfit' by a girl whose mother I'm sure I could have been.

"I'm just thankful it was me who found them and not one of the other children.  Dreadful to think what might have happened."  And just like that Miss Susie was gone, her parting shot well-aimed.

I took Brennen's little hand in mine and again headed towards the EXIT.  Overcome with guilt I squeezed his hand tighter and whispered, "I'm not perfect, but I love you."

Rounding the corner to my daughter Bronwyn’s classroom, two things became very clear to me:  1. I was not getting Mother-of-the-Year today, and 2. I was never breathing a word of this to Jason.  Just then Bronwyn came barreling towards me, arms wide-open. "I love you," I whispered in her ear.  "Now let's go see what goodies are in your cubby."

We gathered our things together and were just heading out when Bronwyn’s teacher, Miss Molly, stepped into the hall and closed the classroom door behind her.  "Before you go Mrs. B there's something I'd like to discuss with you."

I stilled, envisioning the bottle of wine that I currently could not locate appearing from behind Miss Molly’s back.  The smile that I'd temporarily lost spread slowly back across my face.

Onward-and-upward, mommy.  Onward-and-upward!