No matter how you feel about it as a parent, the
day is going to come when your young child “discovers” his or her genitals. I grew up in a home where the understanding
was you do not touch yourself,
period! My husband says that there was
no “understanding” in his home - they just didn't talk about it, period! It was surprising then that both my husband
and I agreed that it was “natural” for the kids to touch themselves and that we
were not going to reprimand them for
doing so. They just needed to follow two
simple rules: 1. any touching needed to
be done in the privacy of their own bedrooms, and 2. when they were finished
they needed to wash their hands!
This sudden awareness of our kids’ gave rise to
conversation about the terminology my husband and I would use when speaking to them
about their body parts. We agreed to use
the anatomically correct terms. That being
said, both kids knew that boys had penises and girls had vaginas. Imagine my surprise then when my five year
old son, who was cuddling with me on the comfy chair, pointed to his penis and
asked, “Is this your junk?”
Your “junk”?
It wasn’t that I was shocked or appalled – I thought it was hilarious. I was surprised, however, because I had never
heard him use that term. While I admit
that on occasion my kids have heard some pretty colorful language in our home, penises
and “junk” did not get mentioned in the same sentence. So I quickly deduced that this was a term he
had picked up on the school playground or from the neighborhood kids.
“Some boys might call it their “junk”,” I said,
“but that’s not what you call it. It’s your penis. And remember that you do not need to be talking
about it with, or showing it to, anyone outside of this home!”
Were we getting ready to go somewhere? I don’t know.
But shortly after that exchange my son was stripping out of his pajamas
to change into other clothes. That would
have been fine except that suddenly he was naked, spread eagle on his back on
my comfy chair, rolling his “junk” around in his hand!
“That is not appropriate!” I shrieked in my “outside
voice”. “No one in this family wants to
see that. Close your legs and get your
clothes on!”
But the fascination of being able to roll his
testicles around was just too much for him to ignore.
“Is this hair?” he asked as he craned his neck
around his raging erection to see the baby-fine, barely-visible blonde hairs on
his scrotum.
“Yes it’s hair,” I answered. The same baby-fine, barely-visible blonde hair
that was atop your precious head when I squeezed it out of my vagina! Of course I didn’t say that! But I did finish with,
“Now get your clothes on and go wash your hands!”
Why was this so difficult? We had two simple rules: 1. Touch yourself, play with yourself –
whatever! But do it in the privacy of
your own bedroom and 2. Wash your hands when you’re finished! And why was I the one having this conversation
with my son when his father was sitting just feet away at the kitchen table,
head buried behind a magazine disguising his laughter as a coughing-fit? Thankfully it did not take long before my son
finally had his clothes on and things were back under control.
But then I heard my five-year-old son say as he
walked over to the kitchen table, “Dad, I have hair on my junk.”
Dear Lord, give a mommy strength! I had to leave the room. There was nothing
that could have stopped the laughter that erupted from my throat once I was safely
behind a closed door. But here’s the “truth”: Children grow and change and there is no
stopping that. Growth and change begets discovery. As parents we always have a choice as to how
we will respond to, or handle, that new-found awareness. My husband and I chose to respond in a manner
that did not berate, chastise or humiliate our kids, and in a manner that gave
them knowledge and understanding.
So until the next revelation that my son or
daughter inevitably comes out with, this mommy will continue to tell it like it
is – junk, hair and all!
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